CapitolFax.com - Latest Comments in Question of the day

Re: Question of the day

NoGiftsPlease — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 21:07:38 -0000

"The Chairman has a cold" ! Ha ha.

Re: Question of the day

Democrat — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 19:54:00 -0000

" Politicians and Diapers both need to be changed often,And for the same reason "

Re: Question of the day

Spiro T — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 14:27:50 -0000

This walks the line - apologies if it violates the rules you set.

The evening of President Clinton's second inaugural ball he approached an attractive intern standing alone in the West Wing of the White House. After striking up a conversation and learning it was her first time at the White House, he asked her if she would like to see the Presidential Clock. Clearly flattered at all of the attention the President was giving her, the young girl readily agreed.

President Clinton led her to a nearby elevator and pressed a button. Once the carriage bagan to move, the President hit the stop button and dropped his trowsers. Clearly taken aback, the young lady said, "Why Mr. President, that is NOT a clock." To which Mr. Clinton replied in his Arkansas drawl, "Put two hands and a face on it and it will be."

Re: Question of the day

capitol view — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 13:42:17 -0000

her are a few oldies but goodies:

If G-d had wanted us to vote, He would have given us candidates - Jay Leno

You don't have to fool all the people all the time, just enough to get elected - Gerald Barzan

If you have a weak candidate and weak platform, wrap yourself up in the American flag and talk about the Constitution -M.S.Quay

GOP stands for 'Gluttons of Privilege" - Harry Truman

In politics, shared hatreds are almost always the basis of friendships - Alexis de Tocqueville

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair - George Burns

All politics are based on the indifference of the majority - James Reston

I don't know a lot about politics, but I know a good party man when I see one - Mae West

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician, becauseit makes a lot of noise and does not work very well - Len Deighton

You've got to be crazy or an optimist to be in politics, and I prefer to think of myself as an optimist - David Peterson

-- from Politics, an Irrreverent Look at the Mighty and the Misguided by Ariel Books (1996)

Re: Question of the day

Jimbo — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 09:57:45 -0000

Ok Skeeter, we get it, you hate Republicans....how about bringing something to the discussion, are you able to do that? God you're lame.

Re: Question of the day

Bubs — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 21:38:35 -0000

Let us never forget the woman, a lifelong precinct worker for the Democratic Machine, who left instruction in her will that she was to be buried within the borders of the City of Chicago, so that she could continue to support the Party after her death.

Re: Question of the day

Anon — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 21:12:40 -0000

During the Monica Lewinsky affair, I asked my younger female secretary if she wanted to play "President and Intern," she thought about it for a minute and said, "Sure." Somewhat excited, I said, "Great!" She then explained she wanted to be the President.

Re: Question of the day

todd — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 19:45:29 -0000

Southern Il Repub, That was a real funny joke about the kid and the wheel chair. Jimbo give it up, it was a funny JOKE!

Re: Question of the day

NumbersGuy — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 18:06:09 -0000

The Clintons' maid in the White House accidentally lets Chelsea's pet parrot loose via an open window. Knowing that firing is certain, she sets off to find a suitable replacement.

After hours of searching, she finds what appears to be an identical match and runs inside the petshop, saying, "I'll take the parrot in the window, just name your price." The owner says, "Lady, I can give you a good deal, but you need to know this parrot used to live in the front room of a bordello in Georgetown." The maid was pressed for time, took the parrot and with the assistance of the Secret Service, snuck him back into the Presidential living quarters.

Later that day, Chelsea returns from school. The parrot sees her and loudly squawks, "JAILBAIT!"

Chelsea, shocked by the rude comment, runs to the east wing to tell her mother. they return to the living quarters. Upon seeing the First Lady, the parrot exclaims, "FAT A**!"

Now horrified by the language of their once kind family pet, mother and daughter proceed to the Oval Office. Taking the President in hand, the family returns together to see the foul-mouthed parrot. The parrot sees the President and squawks: "HI BILLY!"

Re: Question of the day

Jaded — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 17:30:58 -0000

This is actually one of my favorites and I found the whole text in an old email. It does have a little profanity, so I will edit it accordingly.

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s#!t."

Re: Question of the day

B Hicks — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:42:44 -0000

Okay, one more time.

The top 10 reasons that you Might Be A Republican:

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

And number 10 is:

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

Re: Question of the day

B Hicks — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:30:32 -0000

Okay, let me take another shot at this.

Do you know why itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s tough to be a Republican politician? Half of your reputation is ruined by lies, and the other half is ruined by the truth.

What do Judy Topinka and a ship have in common? TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re both noisiest when lost in a fog.

Those are good, aintÃ¢â‚¬â„¢em?

Re: Question of the day

Skeeter — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:29:39 -0000

Q: How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media.

There is no shortage of filament. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.

Why do you hate freedom?

Re: Question of the day

anon — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:18:17 -0000

Q: How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 200. You got a problem with that!!!

Re: Question of the day

Jaded — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:58:29 -0000

A country preacher had a teenage son who, like most teanage boys, had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. One day when the boy was away at school the preacher tried a little experiment.

He placed a bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey on the boy's night stand. The preacher thought if the boy picks up the bible he will be a preacher like me. If he picks up the silver dollar he will be a great business man, and if he picks up the bottle of whiskey, he will be a lousy drunkard.

The preacher hid behind the door as the boy arrived home. The boy threw his books on his bed and looked in surprise at the three items on hims nightstand. After studying the items for a moment, he picked up the bible and put it under his arm, put the silver dollar in his pocket and uncorked the whiskey and took a big drink.

Lord have mercy whispered the preacher, he is going to be a politician.

Re: Question of the day

Lovie's Leather — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:40:28 -0000

In the spirit of things...
The Supreme Court confirmation hearings got pretty heated yesterday. Ted Kennedy questioned Judge Alito's integrity when Alito was at Princeton. As you may know, Kennedy was kicked out of Harvard for cheating. So when it comes to questionable integrity at college he knows what he is talking about.

Re: Question of the day

Leroy — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:26:00 -0000

Ha! Ted Kennedy jokes! I love it....

Q: What's the difference between Ted Kennedy and a B-52 bomber?

A: One bombs bridges, and the other drives over bridges bombed.

Re: Question of the day

anon — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:23:30 -0000

This is an oldie.

Ted Kennedy was sitting in his office when his secretary walks in and says "Ted I need to talk to you".

"What is it Sally Jo?" Ted asks.

"Ted, I think I'm pregnant!"

"Okay, just go back to your desk" says Ted.

"But what are we going to do when I start to show? Aren't you worried about that?!" Sally asks.

Says Ted..."We'll just cross that bridge when we get to it!"

Re: Question of the day

QueenB — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:09:27 -0000

I admit, I stole this one from Henry Hyde:

Hillary Clinton fell asleep one night and was awakened suddenly to find the ghosts of three of our greatest leaders at the foot of her bed: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abe Lincoln.

Surprised, she greeted them one by one.
Hillary: "Mr. Washington, what an honor to have the Father of our Freedom visit me! I want to be a great president like you someday soon. Do you have any advice for me?"
Washington: "Yes, Hillary. Always tell the truth."

Hillary: "Mr. Jefferson, what an honor to have the Author of our Constitution visit me! I want to be a great president like you someday soon. Do you have any advice for me?"
Jefferson: "Yes, Hillary. Trust the people."

Hillary: "Mr. Lincoln, what an honor to have the Great Liberator visit me! I want to be a great president like you someday soon. Do you have any advice for me?"
Lincoln: "Yes, Hillary. Go to the theatre."

Re: Question of the day

BuckTurgidson — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:58:23 -0000

OK, this one strays a touch from straight politics - but involves a group involved in politics:

Two Teamsters were walking on a job site when one stops suddenly, turns, and stomps a snail.

"Why'd 'ya do that?" his buddy asks.

"SOB's been following me around all day."

Re: Question of the day

QueenB — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:56:15 -0000

It was announced today that Canada is now prepared to help the U.S. in it's war against terrorism. They have promised to commit 2 of their largest battleships, 6000 armed troops and 600 fighter jets.

However,after the exchange rate, that comes down to a canoe, 2 Mounties and a flying squirrel.

Re: Question of the day

Jimbo — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:47:29 -0000

Wait, I did single you out, your joke wasn't funny.

Re: Question of the day

Anon — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:46:21 -0000

A U.S. Senator dies in an accident and his soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

Ã¢â‚¬Å“Welcome to Heaven,Ã¢â‚¬Â says St. Peter. "Because of your importance, I have orders from higher up. You'll spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.Ã¢â‚¬Â

Ã¢â‚¬Å“Really, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,Ã¢â‚¬Â says the senator.

Ã¢â‚¬Å“IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m sorry, but we have our rules.Ã¢â‚¬Â

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club, and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

Ã¢â‚¬Å“Now itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s time to visit Heaven.Ã¢â‚¬Â

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well then, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.Ã¢â‚¬Â

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, I would never have said it before - I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.Ã¢â‚¬Â

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open, and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

Ã¢â‚¬Å“I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t understand,Ã¢â‚¬Â stammers the senator. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Two days ago, I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable. What happened?Ã¢â‚¬Â

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted!!Ã¢â‚¬Â

Re: Question of the day

Rod's Brush — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:33:13 -0000

The only difference between Democrats and Republicans is Republicans say they're for poor people, while Democrats say they are poor people.

Re: Question of the day

Left Leaner — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:20:31 -0000

A bus full of politicians is driving down an old country road to a campaign rally when the bus suddenly crashes and explodes.

A farmer sees the crash and rushes to the scene. He proceeds to bury the politicians and goes about his day.

After figuring out what happened a few days later, investigators arrive on the scene and see the graves. They ask the farmer, "Everyone died? No one survived!?"

The farmer replied, "Oh, a few said they were still alive, but you know how them politicians lie."